I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
