Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
