just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
how drunk are you?
Several
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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