and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
