saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize