Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
