I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
