Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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