How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
