And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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