Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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