just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
