I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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