If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
