We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
