so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
