Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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