Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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