I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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