i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
