This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i love accidental penises.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
