based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
