i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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