So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
