Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
