dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i think i have two assholes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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