i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
NoShamevember. You game?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
