Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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