Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
