I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
