home. puking in laundry basket.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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