How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
