so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
