Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
