either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
