Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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