I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
