take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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