Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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