Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
