Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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