So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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