You can't special order awesome
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
