Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm always down for nudity.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
