why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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