Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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