My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
