There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the day after is always just damage control
Sober January is a disaster.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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