Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
