i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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