So drunk its hurt
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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