We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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