I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i will never coherently bang her
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
