who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
