The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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