i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
