Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
