I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
