Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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