I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I CAN MOONWALK!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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