I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
