hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
