i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think my vagina is haunted
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
