Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
