a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
