I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize