i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
