Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize