I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
