you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
