Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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