Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
where am i from again
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
