Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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