It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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